What’s new with you?

Sure, Chelsia had her meltdown. Who could blame her?

Natalie winning HOH? I am not looking forward to this week. I guess, barring some miracle we’ll be saying toodl-oo to James next week. Natalie would be wise to back door him. Regardless, he should play POV to win. And I’ll be rooting for him.

Am I the only one who still likes him?

Urffff.

Natalie is a hypocrite. Deal.

Okay. Time to air our dirty laundry. Fess Up. There is a little dead part in our heart that is reserved for The Hills. I don’t really know why I watch it. Heck, I don’t even know if I like it. But, regardless, there is something sort of undeniable about that show.

Lauren’s really pretty. I always want her to have a little more going on upstairs than she does. But I always give her the benefit of the doubt. Again and again and again. She has a very almost blank, very distracted look alot; like, in her head she’s trying to remember her grocery list as she’s having a conversation with someone. She also seems to ignore any kind of social pressure to make needless conversation. Good for her.

But, the star of this mini-premiere was….without a doubt…Heidi’s new lips.

What is this girl doing to herself. Or what is she allowing other people to do to her. She’s another one, you start to see a glimmer of hope as she’s making rational arguments to Spencer (that he is selfish and self-serving, smug, a sanctimonious prick, etc) but we know in the end she goes back to him. This was all taped around January-ish, and those two knuckleheads are still out promoting her single and wishing Perez a Happy Birthday. Can’t anyone tell her that he is a manipulative control freak and if he can’t have her he will set about destroying her (or is that what he’s already doing? telling her to get collagen dumped into her lips by the truckload, turning a nice, reasonably interesting nose into a thinnly trimmed up boring dime-a-dozen nose.

Someone save her. She used to be painted as a villain, but I am quickly slipping into pitying her. That is until she and Spencer suck face on the red carpet and she fake dances on the beach flailing her man mitts about while lip syncing to her new track. Nevermind, I’m quickly back to being grossed out by her.

Key to a successful episode: More Lo!

MEN FOR WOMEN: 

• lonely man dinner- I thought it was called “hungry man dinner.” Whatever. Try not to advertise your loneliness. We’re all picturing two people at dinner, one being a very sad, mopey, “lonely” man.
• Accompany me tonite to a ’special’ type of club – In this a man confesses to having never been to a swingers club before. Maybe you would like to try it with him, help him get over his fear of intimacy (or outtimacy??)
• REAL 4 REAL GAL IF FED OF FROM ALL OVER – NO GAMMICK (CAN MOVE SURELY)- Dear Sir: We sincerely hope that English is not your native language
• I Need a Mouse (21) – I cannot help you. I can only assume that you want a meek little woman?
• Do Muppets kiss? Do they excite over the touchy feely felt?- This is quite an odd angle. Are there muppet fetishists out there? Is that supposed to be some weird double entendre in the second question posed?
• Policeman for Asian Lady- This one I believe is just offering his services for protection; he will police any asian lady that needs it. He is chivalrous.
• any Homeless female- Ahh, this one may be deceiving. He seems to admit that he is about to be homeless. Not sure if he cares if you are homeless. If you are homeless and still want to spend your idle downtime cruising CL, Good Luck to you!
• Looking to Chill and Possibly Kick It- Ooooh. I like to chill but I feel kicking it, is moving too fast for me. So close.
• Must love zombies – Short and simple is a plus. But are you trying to say you are a zombie or that you keep one for a pet or something?

* Sometimes, personal ads are all chaff.

Sure. She’s known for her style. But that’s a recent development. And that has more to do with marrying money, which allows her any amount of luxurious clothing and any amount of access to the best stylists.

And she seemed to step up her game (or at least mimic the style – for better or for worse) once she befriended one Ms. Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham. She even sported Posh’s angled bob, once Posh declared it no longer May-juh!

But what the heck? What qualifies her to design? It’s all for show. Does she need a new hobby now that the world has clearly said it didn’t need to see her in anymore movies? Does her kooky hubby encourage her to branch out? That she can do anything she wants? This scientology mumbo-jumbo does give one an amazing sense of self-worth! (At least while they’re on top, we all know that when they fall, scientology is the first to turn their backs and drive them to suicide – Great “religion,” guys!)

Have you been sucked in to the great crapfest that is Big Brother? I hope that you agree with me that this is one of the worst casts. If you have the feeds (I don’t but I know some of you do!) or you watch Showtime’s Big Brother After Dark (BBAD – which I do occasionally) do you not want to ring Natalie’s neck?

Her obsession with Matty was borderline co-dependent, no he wanted nothing to do with her so, make that just dependent. Part of me feels sorry for a girl with such little self-esteem and such a tentative grasp on reality. Her constant, “4 times 2 is eight and eight divided by two is four, and four times four is sixteen, which divided by two is eight; so this is my lucky week and I am destined to be HOH.” There is no logic there. And no amount of repetition makes it so.

Both Natalie and Sheila would make great Republican pundits. Just repeating their talking points over and over again ad infinitum without anyone elses’ questions making a dent in their focused armor. I’m not sure that they like to talk just to hear themselves speak (although it seems a safe bet) but I do find it interesting that they can repeat the same things over and over again but just believe that they are each so much smarter than everyone else that no one else can “get it.” 

Spoilers for tonight…

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